Year: 2009

Paul's Poop

Breaking news from the fail cube!

I’d just like to give everyone a recap of my Wednesday work day…

9:00 am -> arrive at work (on time), find out there is no staff meeting…

9:00 30 secs -> start cursing

9:05 am -> stop cursing, get coffee and head to cube

9:15 am -> lay writhing in the hallway screaming, “IT BURNS, OH GOD, IT BURNS.”

9:16 am -> get up calmly and go about business of fixing a bug in an invoicing action

9:45 am -> sit around in Glenn’s cube making comments that most likely would land me in HR and sensitivity training

10:30 am -> return to cube, attempt to look busy

11:45 am -> go to lunch at Panera, point and laugh at all the stupid Shaw employees from other plants there

1:00 pm -> type random garbage to Matt in the iPhone yahoo messenger

1:30 pm -> clip fingernails, contemplate removing socks and trimming toenails as well

2:00 pm -> download Rawr, prioritize WoW tanking loot drops, decide to regem my gear 15 times for agil/stam instead of dodge/stam, contemplate stealing bosses’ tie and tying it around my head Rambo style and practicing Bando against the copier

2:30 pm -> decide to go to the convenience store, fill up the camaro, and grab some caffeine

2:45 pm -> upon returning, stalk people in there cars (reading, on break, etc) and practice my ninja skills by kicking the side of their cars and hiding in the bushes unseen!

3:00 pm -> maekin poast about day’s events

Unrelated to my work day – Lucas has jumped back on the formula merry-go-round.  We are now trying Soy formula to see if he is less angry drinking that.  Next stop, I’m gonna just giving him pureed steak, biscuits, and gravy.  EVERYBODY LOVES GRAVY, RIGHT?!?  Like with every formula switch, it takes a few days to see whether or not he likes it, if it causes a rash, or just makes his life a bit better.  He is doing well though.  He has an uncanny nack to find the one spot which is not covered by a burp cloth.

He also enjoys being bounced on your knee.  I do wonder if I’m scrambling his brain when I do it though.

Paul's Poop

I find that staff meetings are still boring and pointless…

So for the first time in about 2 months, I acksually (lolcat) made it on time to a staff meeting.  You know what?  They haven’t changed because the idiots that drone on about what they are currently doing/not-doing/touching/not-touching/pooping/not-pooping/eating/not-eating and whatever other verbs you can throw in there, are still droning on about nothing.  So wow, I made it on time just to be bored poopless and reading FML, messing around with WoW armory, laughing at LOLCats, and reading facebook on my iPhone.  So I wasn’t that bored but I really wasn’t getting much out of the meeting either.

Good news is that I haven’t gotten an email telling me to go take my blood pressure today.  Nurse Debbie is out of the office today if I’m lucky then she’ll be hit by a truck this afternoon.

We’ve been having mainframe issues lately because of <insert random technical explanation here that no one cares about>.  What is humorous about it is that fact things run fine for one business area (1) <because of stupid technical issue A> and doesn’t run well for business area (2).  So hilarity ensues when they get in to a retard slapfight because they have no idea what is going on behind the scenes and give you the puppy-dog confused look when you try to explain to them what is going on.  I’m pretty sure that I lose IQ points just by sitting in the office.  It is like the stupidity aura noms your brain until you can’t do anything but try to clap your hands together.

But the best part about all of this is that I’m not mad, irritated, or give the slightest of shit.  I’m happy to collect my paycheck and (silently) point and laugh.  It seems that my career isn’t going to give me the slightest bit of fulfillment so I’ll just have to make sure Lucas gets to be a teenager and can hate my guts so I can give him a hard time (like showing NAKED baby pictures to his prospective girlfriends) and have real meaning to my life <evil_overlord>MUHAHAHAHA</evil_overlord>.

Diary

beneath that charming exterior lurks a dark evil

Monday

Monday i went over to Blackwell Elementary to help mom set up her new classroom. she’s teaching 2nd grade this year, so she has a new classroom and all new stuff. it was fun playing teacher and setting stuff up for the lil kids. afterwards we went to yummy ihop for dinner and had the waiter that kristie and lauren are obsessed with.

Tuesday

Tues night paul, lucas, mom, and me met uncle kevin at the cheesecake factory for dinner. that was really fun. i loovvveee cheesecake factory and dont go there very often. uncle kevin was in town on business and he brought lucas two super cute new outfits. ron was sposed to go with us, too, but wasnt able to come cause he is radioactive and cant be within 6 ft of small children.

Wednesday

lucas missed his gramma soo much that he spent the whole day crying. everything i tried to appease him only made him happy for like ten minutes before he’d start crying again. added with my lack of sleep, it was a very difficult day to get thru. i was sooo glad when paul finally got home and i was finally able to pass out on the futon.

Shoes

shoes on streets

i dont understand why there are always shoes on the side of the road. i see them alll the time. i mean how does someone lose their shoe out a car window? and frequently enough for them to always be on the side of the road. paul thinks people must lose all manner of clothes and the shoes are the only ones heavy enough not to get blown away. either way i think its weird. so im going to try to remember to post every time i see a shoe on the road…just for my own sake and see how often i really do see them. cause im weird.

for my first entry:

8~03~09   a black men’s dress shoe was in the center lane on canton rd just before hawkins store

Dreams

dream

as usual it took place at my dads house. my 5 kitties lived on the deck outside and i was calling them into the house for the night. i got 4 of them but ashton ran away and i saw him down in the woods go racing up a tree like something was chasing him. at first i thought it was jasmine, but when i went down there to try to get him, across the creek from me was an enormous, white, siberian tiger with husky blue eyes. as i tried to step nearer to it, it let out a fearsome growl and i was terrified it was going to leap across the creek and kill me, so i backed up and went back to the house.  then the tiger ran up another tree (i dont think tigers really go up trees like a panther). in the house im trying to figure out who to call. 911? i mean i cant call the local animal control. who do you report a tiger to. as im standing on my deck watching the tiger in the tree, i notice there are two more orange ones in the tree with it. ive called 911, and somehow word has gotten out that i have the tigers in my backyard (altho now they are on some telephone pole sized cat tree in the sideyard) and so there are all these people that have come to see them…plus more animals are showing up. i spot a black wolf in the woods and there are several apes in my yard (orangutans maybe?). theyve put the apes in a circular chain link fence, but the apes figure out how to open the gate so i dont know why theyve bothered putting them in there. now there are people *everywhere* including a group of animal rights activists in a circle around the tiger pole like people trying to stop a tree from being cut down. i get ahold of dad on the phone and ask him if hes heard (its all over the news). he thinks im talking about my uncle, and i was like “no, there is a zoo in our yard!” im really freaking out at this point, and a good bit of it is cause i havent seen any of my 5 cats, and those tigers and wolves must be eating something…..

Diary

cribs & cuts

Lucas slept in his crib last night for the first time. I guess he liked it okay ’cause he slept all night until 7am in it. Also last night I accidentally cut him. I was clipping his nails and he jerked his hand and i cut his thumb a little bit. i felt so terrible about it, that i ended up crying over it more than he did.

Paul's Poop

I realized on the way to work…

That I told Ally’s Mom to just go ahead and don’t be afraid to wake her up at 12:30 PM when she had to leave. Really? Did I say that to her Mom? I didn’t mean for that to sound as stupid as it did. I’m pretty sure that Ally’s Mom can wake Ally up whenever she pleases. Of course, I’m sure she’ll get the same reaction that I would get but as her Mom she gets that privilege.

Also, thanks for being the Bestest Aunt (Grandma) to Lucas and watching Drooly McDroolPants.

And last but not least — http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D99ECQSG0&show_article=1 — for when I ship Jasmine to Siberia then I at least know she will travel in style.