Category: Diary

post moved to my new dream journal

yesterday he couldnt make it to my sisters bday dinner, which sorta hurt my feelings. when he came from work he brought me a big bouquet of roses. it was sooooo sweet of him!!

i really like the new song Love and Memories by O.A.R

I got a puppy on saturday!! Pretty much my first puppy ever (Toby doesnt really count since i didnt live with him much). Her name is Abby and shes a cocker spaniel golden retriever mix (which josh pointed out makes her a cock retriever lol). I got her from the Bartow County Animal Control up in Cartersville. Shes a crazy hyperspastic puppy that is as sweet and as adorable as can be!! im soooo excited about her.

paul and rene and bill came with me when i adopted her, and then we all went to petsmart to buy stuff for her. i bought her some dog toys, which she ignored, but she really likes one of the cat toys i had bought for the cats which *they* ignored.

im trying to figure out the whole training thing. so far the only command ive taught her that she always obeys is “run around like an idiot” we start training classes next monday

I was watching One Tree Hill Tonight, and the episode was about this guy that brought a gun to school because he was sick of being invisible. Nobody noticed him, nobody knew him. Those that did, were really cruel to him.

I think back on high school, and I know I was never in the popular crowd, but I’ve always had friends despite actually being an incredibly shy and insecure person deep down. But I think back to high school and wonder: who did I hurt, without ever even knowing it? Did I notice you? Were you in my classes and I never even knew your name? Sprayberry had 3,000 students. Probably around 700 were in my grade. I look through the yearbook and there are many faces that I don’t know. Maybe I knew who you were but never said hi. Were there people I knew that felt this way about me and everyone else at school? That nobody noticed or cared if they were gone? Did I see them?

Did I ever hurt you? Did I ever say anything about you that made you want to cry? I know what it’s like for other kids to say things about you that are so mean you go home and cry every night after school. If I ever hurt you, then I’m sorry. Because I know how it feelsto hurt, too, and I have never gotten over it. Surgery can fix some things, but the scars are still there.

I’ve discovered why i have none. in cleaning house today, i discovered like 6 pairs of socks wedged under my desk and computer and other various places around my computer area.

ive finally gotten in touch with the caterer (after playing phone tag for a month) and i have an appointment for tomorrow morning. in related news, after a big phone arguement with the chevy place, they’re paying for that extra day on the rental car.

theres a new guy in the specialty department at petsmart. once hes trained and they hire one more person, i can go down to part time hours. hopefully it doesnt take too long to hire someone, but theyre super slow. *sigh* i really have soo much to do lately and not enough time to do it cause im always working. i need like 3 or 4 days in a row off to take care of everything. i mean id have time to get more done if i hung out with my friends less, but cause of my work schedule i hardly ever get a chance to see them so when i do get a day off i spend the whole time going out and seeing people rather than doing my chores.

saturday night i went to a party at danielle’s house. bryan, dixie, analiese, linda, and devin (all Psmart people) came and we all proceeded to get quite drunk. it was really fun. i cant wait to get the pix from it.

Last week reaaallly sucked. between the write-up at work, my cat, and *josh*, ive been going insane. not just for me tho. josh sal and robert have been having a time of things too from what i hear. so much stuff has been upsetting me lately that i dont even have the heart to write it all. the car insurance people charged me for an extra day which pissed me off too so i hafta call and bitch at them tomorrow about it. then i have to try to do some wedding planning, too since i finally have a day off. most likely ill spend all day playing horizons and not do a damn thing. having lunch with steph tho so at least that will force me to put on clothes for the day 😛 oh yeah and ps – my computer is D-E-D dead! stupid thing. i miss my iTunes.

upcoming events:
danielle is having a party sat night which im excited about (note to self: buy vodka)
mar 17th is the Trapt/Nickelback/Chevelle show
mar 18th i have some stuff going on too

“Cat’s butts are cleaner than ours. You don’t see us licking our butts al day” ~ Analiese

“I can’t get it up.” ~ Dixie

“Could you eat L—- ten times over?” ~ Ally

And my weakness is
That I care too much

On a different note, today is Paul and my’s 5 year anniversary. yay us

Had a bad day
Don’t talk to me
Gonna ride this out

This morning i took valentine to the vet cause she was looking a little bloated. they took an xray and it turns out half of her abdomen is full of cancer and she needs to be put down asap. i knew this was coming cause shes 16 years old (A cats lifespan is average of 15-17 years), but i thought when i found out she was sick thered be a slow process over months or something. i didnt think the day i realised she was sick was the day she would have to be put down. i couldnt bare to do it all so suddenly, so i took her home with me. but i need to bring her back sometime this week to have her put down. we just lost her sister last year and now shes dying too and its really really horrible. i was really upset that i was in london when steph took frisky in cause i didnt get to say goodbye. but on the other hand, frisky was dead before i even knew about it so in a way it was easier. its like how can *i* be the one to decide when valentine dies? its not right for me to choose the day she dies and to *know* that this is the last day i have with her. paul thinks we should take her tomorrow. which is Valentines Day. somehow i like the idea of doing it on valentines day cause then its like the day is for *her* instead of st valentine. but i dont know if i can deal with today being my last day with her. im having so much trouble with dealing with this. i cant bare the idea of letting her go. im also trying to figure out how i want to do it. the vet said i can go in with her when they put her to sleep. i know theres no way i could handle that. she said some people stay while they put her under anesthesia but not for the actual shot to put her to down. i dont htink i could do that either. do i even want to carry her in to the vet? do i want to stay home and watch paul take her away? i dont know what to do. i really cant handle any of this. every time i think about it i start crying and my chest tightens and i feel anxious.