no more guilt trips


i don’t want to hear another word about paul’s mom and “oh i bet she’s so lonely and so sad…she’s all alone…” all that crap that makes me feel guilty that we don’t pay any attention to her. i wnet out of my way and out of my shell to talk to her, locate a therapist that speaks korean and is familiar with the korean culture to meet with and try to mend the relationship between the family, and she doesn’t even care. if she doesn’t care to fix things then she is obviously doing just fine and doesn’t need us. since i already typed all this out to lauren in IM, i’ll paste it here.

ModernHecate (9:28:06 PM): i got a call just now from pauls mom
ModernHecate (9:29:04 PM): sayin she couldnt go tomorrow because she has another heart doc appointment or something. i asked her when she would want to reschedule the appt for. she starts telling me this whole thing about how now just isnt a good time for any of this because she has other stuff to deal with and what did i need to tlak about?
ModernHecate (9:29:08 PM): lots more coming
ModernHecate (9:30:08 PM): i tried explainging a couple of the many issues we have with her. like when i mentioned about the power of attorney issue we had awhile back she misunderstood and somehow decided it had something to do with wills and tells me shes not dying yet
ModernHecate (9:30:45 PM): i told her its nothing to do with dying, it’s to do with paul taking care of her money. she says she doesnt have much money anymore because the shop isnt doing well and she doesnt get her military money yet or something or other
ModernHecate (9:30:51 PM): like she thought we wanted her money
ModernHecate (9:30:56 PM): (it’s always about the moneywith her)
ModernHecate (9:31:12 PM): and i said “no i dont mean getting your money, i mean about paul handling it for you
ModernHecate (9:31:24 PM): how you need to make changes in your life”
ModernHecate (9:31:40 PM): and she asked what changes and i said how she needs to sell her house and move into a smaller one since she isnt able to make her house payments
ModernHecate (9:31:56 PM): she says she cant sell her house because of the economy and something about selling her business to pay for her ouse
ModernHecate (9:32:14 PM): fine whatever – this was a small irrelevant issue – but she has an excuse fr every thing we say
ModernHecate (9:32:14 PM): anyhow
ModernHecate (9:32:26 PM): so im saying how we need to talk about htings to fix the family relationships
ModernHecate (9:33:04 PM): and she says that we should just go talk her and i some evening. i said i wanted to do it with the therapist because she speaks korean and she claimed htat didnt matter
ModernHecate (9:33:28 PM): then she said we didnt need to go pay money to talk to a doctor about our personal business because it was none of her business (as if the doc cares)
ModernHecate (9:34:00 PM): so i told her that if she wanted to fix her relationship with paulthat we had to go see the therapist and talk about a whole list of things
ModernHecate (9:34:05 PM): YOU KNOW WHAT SHE TOLD ME?
ModernHecate (9:34:34 PM): im busy trying to sell my store and pay off my house…maybe some other time”
ModernHecate (9:37:32 PM): so that’s it. im not bothering anymore either. she obviously doesnt care about fixing things. another thing i realized. she never has any interest in seeing lucas. every once in awhile she calls and says she wants to see him. paul tells her he’ll call her back when its a good time and never calls. i thought she just never saw him because he didnt ever let her…but whenever there is a bill or some pressing matter that she needs, she calls relentlessly until we talk to her
ModernHecate (9:37:44 PM): like she calls and calls or shows up at the house until she gets what she wants
ModernHecate (9:38:02 PM): but other than a couple of times asking that once she never pressed the issue about seeing lucas so i guess she doesnt really care that much

One thought on “no more guilt trips

  1. I used to hear that family was stressful and that Thanksgiving and Christmas are prime depression and suicide times. I always thought that was so weird because that’s my favorite time of year. I’m starting to understand though. Thanksgiving was way more stressful this year.

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